im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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