Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
