How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
