I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
