4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
