First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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