tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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