fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
