I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
