Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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