I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
