Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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