Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it glows. i had to have it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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