i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
