there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
