i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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