I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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