walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
