Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
