you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
