bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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