90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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