just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize