you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
