please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
