i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's the barista slut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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