I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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