I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize