Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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