If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
