he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
