that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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