omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
