She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want nice things and good sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
