thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
