I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
