i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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