the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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