you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
