I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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