Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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