He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
