So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
