No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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