Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
