I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
