He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The adults are the big ones right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
