My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
