I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
