I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
