There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
