peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
