just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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