garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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