dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
