dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
