I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
