Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

(1-216): View more from Ohio

i'd get off the bar first.

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(703): View more from Virginia

tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

Fav 67 1037 6032
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A

Fav 25 6752 871
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(613): View more from Ontario

Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

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(979): View more from Texas

He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle

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(904): View more from Florida

Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.

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(727): View more from Florida

Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?

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