It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
