He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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