I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
