Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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