The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.