when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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