I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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